Fourth of July. The colors of the day are RED, WHITE, & BLUE
A day in which families make a point of celebrating together with hot dogs, hamburgers, apple pie and fire crackers.
July 4th. A day that a birth parent may be quite “BLUE”.
How many reminders are out there touch a birth parent’s heart, making them sad, reminding her/him that their child is celebrating with someone else? Endless–and a little harder on days that traditionally feature families together.
That does not mean that the birth parent is not confident they made the right decision to place their child for adoption, or that they are lost in grief, although there are some who have regrets. What it means is that the birth families are often missing the child they can hold in their heart but not in their arms. But those feelings are generally experienced in silence, because they are expected to “get over it” and “get on with their life” as if they had never experienced a conception, pregnancy, and birth.
No mother or father ever forgets.
Most adopted children do not forget, either.
If you know a mother or father that made the decision to give their child a life with another family through adoption, whether it is your daughter, sister, cousin, or friend, just be aware of those painful reminders touching a spot in their innermost self and acknowledge them and what they are feeling. If they want to talk about it, listen.
Celebrate the birth parent’s courage and their pain. Help them feel respected for caring more about their child than themselves, for making something good happen. Celebrate with them the importance of family bonds and love, which they still have, even if they love from afar.
If the child of adoption feels a little “blue”, let them express what they feel. Teach them that love is not limited. They can wonder about and love and miss their first parent, which is normal. Let them know that they can have many loves and be greater for the experience, without loving their parents less.
In the excitement of the proud music, colorful fireworks, traditional foods, and fun, there may be the opportunity to be understanding and kind to a parent without their child.
Mother Teresa said, ” Kindness is the language we all understand; even the blind can see it and the deaf can hear it.”
Have a great celebration.
